Am I Asking For Too Much In My Relationship? (Signs You’re Asking The Wrong Person)

You can’t ask too much in a relationship when you’re with the right person. The definition is too arbitrary to conclude what asking too much includes. Talk to your partner about your feelings and see how they help to rectify this situation. Sometimes, your love languages can be different, creating issues in a relationship. See, if your partner is emotionally unavailable, then you probably won’t get the emotional stability you wish for. Most times, we don’t realize that we’re in the wrong relationship with the wrong person. If that’s the case, it’s better to part ways early on to avoid further emotional damage.

Relationships are tricky once you’re done with the honeymoon period, and there’s no perfect partner. You find out there are so many differences between you and your partner, and you two could have completely different natures as well.

Each person’s definition of asking about their partner’s contribution to the relationship differs.

While one person could be perfectly happy needing little quality time together, another one might prefer spending more time together.

So how do you decide when you are asking too much in a relationship?

Recognizing your love language

Before jumping into the world of romance and blaming yourself for asking too much from your partner, try to look within and recognize the kind of person you’re.

This also means recognizing your emotional needs and your love language.

There are five love languages, including:

  1. Words of affirmation
  2. Quality time
  3. Receiving gifts
  4. Acts of service
  5. Physical touch

Now, these are five different ways people express or receive love. This applies to everyone, including you and your partner.

There’s no strict category, and sometimes people combine 2 to 3 of the above ways to express or receive love.

While you could be the person who loves hearing words of affirmation from your partner, he could be expressing his love for you via acts of service.

Both are right in their own way when trying to show their partner how much they love them, but sometimes this love language can be misinterpreted or miscommunicated.

When we don’t know our partner’s love language, we tend to get angry as we aren’t receiving what we think is the way to express love. It becomes even more complicated when we don’t even know our own love language.

So, it can make you feel you’re asking too much because your partner doesn’t work that way.

Instead of demanding your partner to use your love language, try to adapt yourself to your partner’s love language, which might improve your current situation with your partner.

Emotional unavailability

A young married woman is looking at her phone in distress as she's going through a bad time with her spouse

You’re not wrong to wish for emotional connection and stability from your partner. An emotionally unavailable person has difficulty being open with their significant other and discussing their inner world with them.

Not only are they never vulnerable they also find it irritating when you share too much as they don’t have the capacity to deal with their own emotions, so dealing with yours can be more difficult.

Each person wants to be in a healthy relationship where their partner can listen to their emotions and show theirs as well. You fail to connect on a deeper emotional level with an emotionally unavailable person, and this gap is never fulfilled.

High expectations

Sometimes we hear from one of our friends, family members, or even our partner that we expect too much from our relationship. What does this actually mean?

When you expect to be good friends with your partner, have a satisfying sex life, trust each other, and remain fully committed, it doesn’t mean you’re expecting too much from your partner.

You also want to be with a partner who honor’s your dreams and vice-versa, irrespective of how different they’re from each other, and expect to share some common ground on certain ethics, beliefs, rituals, and goals.

Wanting to be with a partner who can provide all these are not expecting much, which is normal and not unreasonable.

Talk with your partner

We often have these insecurities about our relationship, but most of them are only in our minds. If you don’t talk about it with your partner, they’ll stay in your mind and create a riff in the already smooth relationship.

If you believe you’re asking for too much, talk with your significant other and see what they have to say about the issue. Sometimes, they could be busy in their professional life and be ignorant of personal life, making us feel we’re asking for too much.

Things like these can be unknown to us. When you converse with your partner, they can tell you where and how you’re overthinking.

If they accept they have been distant lately and are willing to work to make this feeling of yours go away, then you should definitely give them time to do so.

However, it’s another story if they don’t actively work on it and dismiss your feelings or tell you that you’re asking for too much.

Signs you’re asking the wrong person

A married is trying to have a conversation with her husband, who has his hands on his face and isn't communicating back.

If you’ve got this gnawing feeling in your gut that whenever you want your partner to provide you with the basic emotional stability in the relationship and they don’t, you could be with the wrong person.

When we’re in love, it can be tricky to identify if the person is right for us, but here are a few signs that can you help you do so:

  • You communicate your feelings and concerns, but they don’t actively react or try to solve the issues.
  • Your habits, interests, and core values don’t match.
  • You keep breaking up and patching up again and again.
  • Make drastic changes in your life for your partner, but they don’t do the same.
  • Not committing fully, which includes not putting any labels on the relationship.
  • They don’t become vulnerable with you or apologize for anything.
  • You’re not comfortable around his family or friends, and he doesn’t do anything to rectify the situation.
  • You’re emotionally exhausted
  • They don’t encourage your dreams and goals in life

Often times you’re not asking for too much you’re just with the wrong person in a relationship.

It might take some time to realize that, but when you do, it’s better to separate yourself from them to find the one who won’t make you feel you’re asking for too much!


What do you do when your partner asks too much in a relationship?

Try to communicate with your partner to know which of their needs aren’t being met. By conversing with them, you’ll get an idea about the needs you can and can’t meet. Try shifting your tone and approach.

If things seem too unreasonable, talk with them to come to a compromise.

How do you know when to give up on a relationship?

If there’re differences in your relationship, you should exhaust all your options first. Both partners should compromise on things they can, and you shouldn’t adjust your core values and principles because that’ll change who you are.

If you have done everything you could, but things still aren’t working between you two, try taking some time off to see things from a new perspective.

How do you tell if your standards are too high?

A person can have high standards, which they feel are pretty normal and can sometimes interfere with their relationship. If your standards are high, you can’t identify them yourself.

You have particular things you want from your partner and aren’t ready to settle to differ from the list.

When we lock down on a few particulars we want from our partner, it can become challenging to find the person who fits the list, especially if we aren’t ready to adjust.

To summarise

We often wonder if we ask too much from our partner and relationship. It’s challenging to know if we’re asking for too much or if it’s all in our minds.

Talking to your partner about your insecurities can be really helpful. When you communicate mostly, it’s due to overthinking. If your partner is genuinely involved in the relationship as much as you’re, they’ll find a way to ensure you don’t feel this way.

Sometimes we, too, are asking too much by wanting our partner to be a certain way. So make sure you look within yourself and at your partner’s actions.

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Hi! I’m Saumya, writer and editor at Marriage & Bliss. “To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow—this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” —Elizabeth Gilbert. Every marriage faces pitfalls, be they internal or external, and with my words, I hope to help couples find possible solutions and mend their broken relationships. After all, a successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
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