The Silent Killer: Understanding The Root Causes For Lack Of Communication In Marriage

Many things could cause a lack of communication in a marriage, such as lost trust, lack of physical intimacy, unhealthy communication, getting too busy with kids, focusing on digital life, or unwanted jealousy. In addition, external factors such as illness, trauma, accident, losing a loved one, or financial issues such as losing a job or inferiority complex could lessen effective communication. It’s essential to listen to your partner as important as it is to communicate with them, and this would make them feel seen and heard. There’re always ways to fix communication issues if you’re willing to work on them.

Unlike any other relationship, your marriage can go south without effective communication. While you might think you are conversing with your partner, take a closer look at what you are talking about.

If it boils down to telling each other to pick up kids from school, wash the dishes, bring groceries, take kids to football practice, and so on, you’re not communicating.

Communication involves discussing your feelings and what’s happening in your life. This is only achieved when couples get to spend quality time together. But what causes this loss of communication in the first place? Let’s take a look.

Why is there no communication in my relationship?

Going back to the initial stage of your relationship, do you remember how you spent most of the time talking with your significant other?

But slowly, as life moves forward, you spend less time communicating with your partner, and life gets busy this way.

Either you get busy with work or kids or don’t feel the need to sit down and talk to your partner.

When there’s a lack of communication, even the most minor issues can break your relationship with your partner.

Your partner isn’t just another thing you need to manage in your life; they’re there to share your ups and downs. Holding them responsible then becomes easier when you don’t really communicate.

1. You don’t trust your partner

You need to be able to trust your partner to communicate with them. This trust is built over time and takes years to form, but one little misshaping could also break this trust leading to multiple issues within a relationship.

A husband is showing his concerned wife his phone to prove he is not doing anything wrong

When you don’t trust your partner anymore, you don’t feel the need to communicate your thoughts to them anymore.

Trust between a couple could be broken for any reason, such as infidelity, lies, financial issues, or lack of emotional intimacy.

You will only share your innermost thoughts with your partner if you trust them, so if lately there has been some reason for this trust to have broken, you need to address it first.

2. Lack of physical intimacy

Let’s face it physical intimacy is one thing we require from our partner. No matter the age, it keeps a relationship healthy and going smoothly.

Not being physically intimate with our partner can create many issues and gaps in the relationship.

When we don’t feel close to our partner anymore, we also tend to get separated from the mind.

3. Unhealthy communication

Some couples can become toxic over time and don’t even realize how they communicate is unhealthy for their relationship.

You could constantly criticize your partner over the smallest things, like how they dress or how much food they eat.

It’s fine to criticize once in a while, but when you continue down this path of negative commenting, it can become emotionally taxing for the other person.

A husband is trying to communicate with his wife to make their argument better, but his wife is not communicating and is instead trying to ignore him.

They will start feeling attacked, and this constant nagging can seem like you don’t love your better half anymore.

Amongst this behavior, of course, the communication will die down, and soon you’ll notice your partner withdrawing from you because they don’t feel safe discussing things with you.

4. External factors

Sometimes it’s not us but something that occurs outside of our relationship and is termed external factors. These factors could cause the communication gap or widen it further.

It could be the illness of a partner, which is no fault of their own, the loss of a family member or loved one, or an accident or trauma.

It could also be financial issues, such as one partner suddenly losing their job or not exceeding in their field as much as the other one, which causes an inferiority complex.

A wife is noticeably unhappy on the phone, and her husband is paying attention behind her, trying to comfort her.

In such moments, one partner going through such things might feel their self-esteem plummeting. They don’t feel confident enough and might sometimes feel it’s their fault.

While giving space is a good option, if you feel your partner is going into a shell of their own misery, you should be the first to step in and constantly ask them to communicate and let their feelings out.

Ignoring external factors will only cause misery to you and your significant other. As a result, your relationship will suffer as well.

5. Revolving your life around kids

It becomes even more difficult for parents to communicate with each other as life becomes busier for them the moment children enter their lives.

While it’s not the children’s fault, amongst so many things and managing their schedule and work, couples forget they need alone time.

In such a case, things will only work if you treat going out on a date night to spend some alone time together like any other task you do.

And once you’re with each other, it’s vital not to spend time on your phones but talking to each other.

6. Digital life

Phones are a blessing but can become your bane if you overuse them.

Some couples keep a rule of putting their phones away after coming back from work or after a particular hour so they can have little moments of togetherness before bed and also attain peaceful sleep.

7. Unwanted jealousy

Jealousy can ruin a man and, if not discussed, can develop within and cause major misunderstandings. It’s normal to get jealous as it’s a normal human emotion, unlike other emotions.

So if you’re feeling a bit jealous about your wife’s attractive colleague, then put your fears aside.

Letting things build in your head will only pull you away from your partner and cause wild scenarios to build in your head.

Communicating these feelings is better; once you receive reassurance from your partner, you will feel much better.

8. Importance of listening

Suppose you have conversations and make time for each other to spend quality time alone. But none of it would matter or make a difference if you don’t actually listen to your partner.

A wife is happily playing around with her husband as they're out on a lunch date

As vital as it is to communicate, the more critical it is to listen.

Just because you let your partner keep talking to you and you don’t make any comments or advise them on things, it would mean nothing to them.

Communicating without listening can make your partner feel invisible, and they might feel they’re talking to a wall.

So, when conversing, listen to what they’re actually saying.

Another piece of advice to better your communication will be to ask your partner if they want to vent out or need advice.

This way, you’re not giving unnecessary advice when they just want to vent their feelings to you.


Can a marriage last without communication?

Without talking to your partner about your feelings and what’s going on in your head, you’re creating a distance you don’t even know about. That’s how the gap widens in a relationship, and you no longer feel connected.

It’s vital to get some time alone every few days, if not every day, to convey your feelings about events happening in each other’s life and workplace.

If not, then lost communication could create several misunderstandings and might even lead to divorce.

How do you fix a marriage if there’s no communication?

When you recognize there’s less communication between you and your partner, then you can think about what to do moving forward, such as:

– Start going on dates again
– Keep a no-phone rule when with each other
– Make a habit of asking if you want to vent or need advice on an issue
– Be respectful to each other
– Use kind words, and don’t rashly say things that you can’t take back
– Focus on listening as it’s vital
– Plan short trips to rekindle your relationship

If you feel you can’t handle things alone, you could try marriage counseling from a professional.

Was this article helpful?
Hi! I’m Saumya, writer and editor at Marriage & Bliss. “To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow—this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” —Elizabeth Gilbert. Every marriage faces pitfalls, be they internal or external, and with my words, I hope to help couples find possible solutions and mend their broken relationships. After all, a successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
Read more

Leave a Comment