My Husband Isn’t Attracted To Me Because I Gained Weight! What To Do Next?

Your weight gain could have been due to medical or mental health issues. Regardless, your husband shouldn’t focus only on your physical body and consider it your only attractive point. They should think about other attractive personality traits and reconnect with you on that level until you start focussing on your body. See if the weight gain is due to emotional eating triggered by relationship stress, and in that case, resolving those issues with your partner is essential. If you’re gaining a lot of weight due to unhealthy eating and refuse to work out due to your laziness, you need to learn that’ll invite many health-related issues. Ultimately communicate with your partner to find the lost spark and what you can do to return to your healthy self.

People have a long list of traits to look for in a partner before finally marrying them.

While some are very specific, others are common, including kindness, physical attractiveness, an exciting personality, and income/earning potential, which tops the list.

As hard as you try to deny it, physical attractiveness takes a prominent spot on the list. People try finding a partner who looks nice with good features and moderate body fat!

So, you married a person who did find you attractive before, but what happened down the road when they suddenly stopped as you gained weight a few years into the marriage? What can you do about it?!

The sudden weight gain after marriage

Before marrying your husband, your husband used to find you attractive. Initially, they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves, and your sexual connection was amazing.

A married woman is reflecting about her sudden weight gain after marriage

But a few years later, you gain weight, and they suddenly stop finding you attractive. Was it always about your body, then?

We tend to become self-conscious when our partner stops finding us attractive. It also raises a lot of doubts inside our heads about our relationship, including affecting our sex life.

👉 Changes in appearance are bound to appear as we age. Including age, other factors could be health issues and pregnancy. While we can control them to some extent, we can’t return to our 20-year-old self-body.

You could gain weight due to various factors, but when you gain weight due to an unhealthy diet and lifestyle with no exercise included in your routine, it raises many questions.

Unhealthy weight gain

When you gain weight due to an unhealthy lifestyle where you don’t care what you’re eating and aren’t interested in any physical activity to keep your body in shape, it can, at some point, start irritating your husband.

They’re not entirely wrong for feeling this way.

They love you and your personality, but when a partner becomes obese and stops making an effort, it can feel like they have given up on the relationship and themselves too.

If it feels like they don’t feel attracted to you anymore, it’s because they might have hinted at it or said it bluntly, but you just don’t want to put in an effort.

Another major reason is we all want our partner to be healthy.

With unhealthy weight gain, you’re risking good health and at a higher risk of diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol, heart attack, and stroke.

Not being able to care for ourselves can be a major red flag if it’s only because of our laziness. Your sex drive is impacted significantly, so you would get tired too quickly.

Weight gain due to health or mental issues

Your weight gain could also be due to several health issues, including hypothyroidism, insomnia, menopause, PCOS, heart issues, metabolic issues, diabetes, and certain medications.

A woman is checking her thyroid at home to see if she feels anything unusual

Either you’re suffering from medical issues responsible for the weight gain or mental health issues, making you incapable of thinking about your physical health.

Mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, etc., are also responsible for weight gain. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reported that 43 percent of adults living with depression were obese.

Weight gain could be a side effect of the medications prescribed for the mental health issue or negligence on the person’s part.

When you’re already dealing with those issues, you have no motivation to focus on your body and keep it healthy.

Emotional eating

Do you eat ice cream and donuts whenever you fight with your husband? Comfort food can be good for a person but only in moderation, and when it becomes in excess, it’s known as emotional eating.

Without knowing, you could reach out to food to suppress your emotions or fill your emotional needs. It could be anything from fighting with a spouse to stress, financial issues, health issues, etc.

Eating a lot of food creates a feeling of false fullness, but it will never feel enough. It only deteriorates your health by making your body gain weight and creating other health issues.

What to do when your husband isn’t attracted to you anymore?

Your husband shouldn’t be attracted to you solely because of your body weight.

When we truly love someone, we also love their personality, including the little things that make a person unique.

Helping not criticizing

So you did end up gaining weight but is constant criticism the way to deal with things?

Your husband knows the best way to deal with you. If you’re motivated by working out together, then they should gradually start working out with you.

If you enjoy walking, your spouse should start walking with you daily. Be it any physical activity, including Zumba, pilates, or even dance, begin by selecting whatever makes you happy.

Sometimes constant criticism of our weight can drive us crazy and push us into self-doubt, and we might even start hating our appearance.

Instead of being food police, if he genuinely wants to help you, he’ll be as involved in this journey as you want him to be. Together you can learn how to include healthy eating and eliminate foods that are entirely unhealthy for you.

Husband responsible for emotional eating

Your husband could be responsible for emotional eating, or there could be an issue driving you towards the food at home.

A wife is emotionally eating donuts after a disagreement with her spouse

Sometimes we don’t know there’s something wrong, and food doesn’t seem like an issue until someone points it out to us.

See if your husband’s actions or words drive you to comfort eating. If yes, then both of you must handle it together.

Rectifying the issues causing emotional eating can help you establish a healthy relationship with food and your husband.

Being lazy shouldn’t be an excuse

If you just don’t want to move your body around anymore and constantly want to eat high-calorie and dense foods, your body will suffer.

A young married woman is shown turning off her alarm clock and deciding to stay asleep longer

Lack of effort towards your own body shouldn’t be used as an excuse for your husband not finding you attractive anymore. By being lazy, you’re also being disrespectful towards your own body.

It’s a direct invitation to many health issues which can make your life miserable in the future. Being a bit overweight is never the issue; it’s when you’re in the dangerous zone of being obese that you need to give yourself a reality check.

Focusing on personality

Your body weight isn’t the only thing attractive about you and should never be the only thing. Many things about you add to the list of being attractive to your husband.

Even if you gain a lot of weight and need some time before focusing back on your body, your husband should focus on the other traits that make you attractive.

Because towards the end, we lose our physical attractiveness compared to our 20-something-year-old selves, but that doesn’t mean your partner should stop finding you attractive.


Will my husband find me more attractive if I lose weight?

Losing weight shouldn’t be a thing if it’s done to impress your husband or any other person. It’s your body, so it should be your decision to lose weight, not because you want to impress someone.

Attractiveness isn’t only measured by weight but also by your personality. Your husband can find you attractive because of your certain other traits besides your body weight.

But if you want to lose weight, it should be your decision.

What do I do if my husband isn’t attracted to me?

There could be different reasons your husband doesn’t find you attractive anymore.

On the one hand, it could be because it’s been too long into the marriage, and you as a couple have stopped putting in the effort to have more time together or reignite your lost passion.

They could also find someone else attractive, with a list of signs you need to look for.

Communicate as a couple and see if he is willing to bring back the lost spark or if his interest lies elsewhere.

Can a marriage survive without physical attraction?

Yes, physical attraction isn’t the only thing that could be attractive about a partner, and there are other traits about a person which their partners find attractive.

A relationship is built on these other traits, too, and there should be mutual respect and understanding with each other so the marriage can work.

If you find the passion is lost in your marriage, try working together with your partner to bring the intimacy back again.

To summarise

You could have gained weight for any reason, but that doesn’t mean your husband stops finding you attractive. Many things about our personality also add to the list, making us attractive.

Maybe you need some time before you can focus on your body again. Or some mental health or medical issue is responsible for the weight gain, which shouldn’t mean your husband stops finding you attractive.

For the time being, you can focus on reconnecting with each other based on other traits that you find attractive about each other rather than physical attractiveness.

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Hi! I’m Saumya, writer and editor at Marriage & Bliss. “To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow—this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” —Elizabeth Gilbert. Every marriage faces pitfalls, be they internal or external, and with my words, I hope to help couples find possible solutions and mend their broken relationships. After all, a successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
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