One person in a relationship shouldn’t love more than the other one; if they do, it’s an unequal relationship. This unhealthy relationship can create co-dependency, no self-growth, controlling behavior, priority issues, taking your partner for granted and losing a sense of reality. The partner who loves more would reach a point where they feel they’ve given a lot to this relationship and might also feel disappointed when their partner doesn’t meet similar expectations. If you find yourself or your partner to be the more loving one, then recognize the red flags and work on creating an equal relationship.
When it comes to relationships, there’s always one person who seems to be more verbal about how much they love their partner and often says, ‘I love you,’ but the other person might not do so.
This doesn’t mean the other partner doesn’t love you just because they might express their love for you differently. This can often make people wonder if they’re the ones who love more in a relationship.
Does this mean your partner doesn’t love you enough? Is it wrong to love more in a relationship? Let’s take a look.
Should one person love more in a relationship?
A healthy relationship is a balance where two people should love each other equally.
If you have ever heard that a man should always love more than the female in a relationship, that would be unfair to expect from a man.
While the general population believes that a man is never as emotional as a woman and can easily fall in an out of love, it would be unfair to men to think this way.
If one person loves more or is expected to love more in a relationship, the whole foundation of the relationship would become lope-sided.
While one romantic partner would give their all in the relationship, the other would be the taker until the giver realizes how much effort and energy they put into the relationship.
An unequal relationship like that would also create a power imbalance as the taker always seems to make most of the decisions, refuses to compromise, doesn’t consider the wants and needs of the giver, and always have the last word.
Is it healthy to love more in a relationship?
The question shouldn’t be who should love more in a relationship but is it healthy to love more in a relationship?
You should never be in an unequal relationship as it creates an imbalance, but how do you recognize that you’re in one of those relationships?
Here are a few red flags that can help you know:
Prioritizing your partner over everything
When you love your partner to the extent that every aspect of your life revolves around them, you know it’s an unequal relationship.
In romantic relationships, you don’t always have to involve your partner in each thing you do, like your hobbies and interests, which you do on your own, and even things like meeting your friends.
But if you find yourself in this situation where you’re doing this or your partner is doing it, you know it’s not right.
Doing your things without your partner doesn’t mean you don’t love them; it just means you’re an individual of your own.
Please don’t make your partner your whole life, rather than they are an essential part of your life.
Controlling each part of your relationship
If you find your partner controls almost every part of your relationship, such as deciding where to go on a date each time, which people to meet, and where to go on a holiday, it’s another red flag.
In a successful relationship, your partner should always respect you and your choices. As a couple, you should be making choices together regarding things that affect you both.
This is what they call understanding your partner. Even if your views clash, you should be able to compromise together on specific issues. This kind of controlling love isn’t good for anyone.
No personal identity
When one person supposedly defined as loving more than their significant other doesn’t leave you alone or let you make your own choices, they kill your identity as a person.
If you do everything together as a couple, there’s no room for growth, and you just become this one confused person together.
A loving partner who loves you to this extent will sooner or later become suffocating for you to handle.
Side effects of loving more in a relationship
It’s unhealthy to be the more loving one in a relationship, and it’s also unfair to expect your partner to love you more than you love them.
This question about who should love more in a relationship could signify many things about you as a person in a relationship.
Either you want someone to control the relationship or take the burden of making decisions, or you think if your partner loves you more, there’s always a sense of security that they won’t leave first.
Whatever the reason, there’re side effects when one partner loves more in a relationship.
Your partner takes you for granted
It’s evident that when you’re the more loving one in a relationship, it will someday reach a stage where your partner will start taking you for granted.
They might start doing things that they shouldn’t in a relationship knowing that you won’t be going anywhere and they’re going to be forgiven for anything.
They wouldn’t even bother taking any interest in your personal life or professional life, and these could be in very subtle ways.
Developing a co-dependency
It also develops a co-dependency. Loving more can lead to a situation where the person who loves more needs the other person who needs to be needed.
As a giver, you tend to give and give, whereas the other person in the relationship automatically becomes the taker.
Some people enjoy co-dependency, for they feel worthless if this balance is not maintained. One must look out for several signs to decipher if they’re in a co-dependent relationship.
Losing a sense of reality
Loving more can make you feel like everything you do should involve your partner in it. Making your partner the center of your universe will do more harm than good.
You only do things that are good according to them or please them. This makes you unaware of the compromises you’re making and the things you’re giving up on.
There’s no self-growth
When you do things together all the time or let the other person take charge of things, you realize you have lost yourself in the process.
Of course, for a person to grow, they need to experience things away from their partner to feel different things and form different opinions. This is what makes you, you.
When you stop doing things you love on your own, and your partner is everywhere, there’s no self-growth.
Expectations not being met
When you love too much, you expect the same kind of involvement from your partner. If they don’t meet your expectations, there’s a disappointment.
You expect your partner to do the same just as you’ve made them your priority. You expect them to involve you in everything they do, become one with you, and take you everywhere they go.
How to not smother your partner with love?
- Creating boundaries is essential. Not only to let your partner breathe but also for your self-esteem.
- It’s okay if you’re not involved in everything your partner does. If they’re going on a trip with their friend and you don’t tag along, that’s completely fine.
- Have separate hobbies and interests because that would increase individual growth and make for interesting stories to share with each other.
- Trust your partner and know they love you as well.
- Be there for your partner in the way they need you to be, not in the way you believe they do.
- Practice open communication about things in your relationship. If you feel hurt, then communicate instead of keeping it to yourself and letting that feeling grow.
Just because your partner shows love for you by showering you with gifts doesn’t mean you don’t love them. There’s nothing wrong with you because that’s not the only way to show love to your partner.
While one person might show love by saying words of encouragement, their partner might show it by acts of service for their partner.
Some people find spending quality time with their loved ones to show their love; others express it with physical touches, like holding hands or giving frequent hugs.
So, each person’s love language may also differ if you think you love your partner more or your partner doesn’t love you at all. It’s just that they showcase it in different ways.
Who should love more between a man and a woman?
Men have always been expected to love more in a relationship with women, and those expectations stem from a place where men have had a history of not being as emotionally vulnerable as women.
This is untrue, as not all men are the same, and not all women are the same. This could also be said about a woman who moves on quickly, so she should be the more loving one.
It all depends on the kind of person you’re in a relationship with.
Love can be expressed in different ways, so while one person says I love you more often, others could express love through acts of service.
Do relationships only work when a guy loves the girl more?
No, it’s a recipe for disaster. It creates an imbalance between two people in a relationship, and the other person who isn’t much in love will start taking the person who’s more in love for granted.
There could also be other issues, as one person might become more controlling in a relationship, and it could also stop self-growth as individuals.